Connected or not connected – that is the question
A researcher (read about his research here) from the University of Houston, who happens to be an expert in the field of vulnerability carried out research to find out the difference between people who connect easily and those who don’t. Her research led to a conclusion that individuals who had a strong sense of love and belonging were those who genuinely believed they are worthy of receiving love.
When people found themselves worthy of making friends and capable of developing connections, they tend to move towards people similar to them. They are the ones who usually say “I love you” first and they also do not hesitate to say “I miss you.” They will be open to receive love and affection and the eternally grateful if you give them the connectedness they crave.
However, this doesn’t mean people who long for making connections always get what they want. It just means they are more than willing to be vulnerable in relationships, putting aside their inhibitions and shame if the feeling is not reciprocated. These are the people who do not blame themselves and their “unworthiness” for their disconnection. To receive openly and abundantly with gratitude is their motto and to make others feel safe in the company their aim.
What causes distress in the relationship?
You’re not the only one who struggles with vulnerability because millions of people around the world feel the same way as you do. But, what do we actually trade for our inability to make ourselves vulnerable? You might have seen couples fighting, getting divorced, or cheating on one another; but have you ever wondered what may have caused them to drift apart? Well, it all begins from the moment one decides to lie or conveniently not tell the truth about something that they should have.
Lack of vulnerability also affects a person’s willingness to become physically intimate with their partner. They either feel insecure about their own body or just do not trust their partner enough to bare it all. The vulnerability is known as the ultimate aphrodisiac for a reason, and you shouldn’t ever ignore its benefits if you want to enjoy a sexually fulfilling relationship.
How to become more vulnerable?
We are glad that you asked this question; in fact, not many people realize how important it is to learn how to open up to their partner. Even though the process may seem long and arduous, it’s important you follow it through to make your relationship everlasting. So, what can you do to establish more emotional vulnerability? Read on to find out.
- Listen to your heart: When you’re conflicted at choosing either the opinion of your heart or your mind, go ahead and do what you truly want. The voice that speaks from intuition and it gives you this particular gut feeling is worth paying attention. Love openly and honestly, and receive as much as you can gratefully. If you love is no longer there, move towards what you want and be vulnerable enough to fall in love again. When you do what your heart says, you’ll always find that life is much brighter.
- Show courage in the face of adversity: Imagine we live in a world where shame doesn’t exist. What other things you’d likely do first? Change your job? Tell someone you love them? Get out of the relationship that is damaging your soul? Or fight for someone you truly love? Rejection and disappointment are a part of life that will not go away. However, you can train yourself to care less about shame and disappointment by being brave. It is better to do something and see what happens then to live an entire life wondering about what could have happened.
- Let the feeling last: We are living in an increasingly fast paced world where things that do not hold our attention are labeled as useless. We have very little tolerance for discomfort or uncertainty and tend to move towards finding a solution as quickly as possible. But sometimes, discomfort is where we need to be for our own sake. We deal with everything today – health, people, problems, feelings to a point where there is no time to gain an insight. We often find clarity and inside in places where most uncomfortable and become a wiser person as a result.
- Look towards the future: the key to making yourself more vulnerable is to look ahead for what might be in store. We often let our past experiences change us not for the better and hence end up spoiling relationships in the present. If you want to live a more emotionally fulfilling state of mind and enjoy the harmony of giving and receiving love, then let go of your past inhibitions and look towards the future with a positive mind. We promise you’ll be making the right kind of friendships and having a more intimate relationship with your partner.
Vulnerability – the ultimate aphrodisiac
We all have a need to protect ourselves, true. But somewhere along the way, the desire for self-protection has overtaken our need to connect with others. Not many things in this world heart as much as a heartbreak caused by a relationship. But avoiding heartbreak and steering clear of uncertainty are not a part of being human. It is only when we embrace the possibilities of getting hurt once again that we truly open ourselves to give and receive love abundantly.
After finishing a master degree in Urology at the European University in St. Petersburg, Austin cofounded staustinreview.com in 2015. The purpose of the website is to help men with a wide variety of sexual problems with a language that everybody understand.
Austin is a dedicated writer and loves to get his hands dirty with product reviews and the latest urology news.
Outside of work his an outdoors person who loves fishing and running, you can follow Austin on Twitter or LinkedIn if you can keep up with him!