September 29th, 2012Sometimes…by Abigail C. Reimel

Sometimes one man’s calling requires that he be different than all the rest; that in following it he must go down paths where none may follow.  It is not easy for him, and he must face many hardships alone.  The rest of the world looks at him and can tell he is different, but they do not see the suffering on his face- hidden beneath his smile.  They see his strange actions or counter-cultural decisions, and just call him “odd” or “religious”, never stopping to look deep enough into his eyes to see the tears collecting underneath the shining light.

He may go his whole life without a soul knowing the extent of his pain, because sometimes God calls His children to a different kind of sacrifice, a more hidden kind of agony.  The world does not see it, because it is deep within him, at the core of his being, and outwardly he must stay strong for those depending on him.  Externally, he is happy.  Externally, he has it all together.  But, internally, he knows too much.  Internally, he grieves as each joy is followed by shadow, each smile becomes bittersweet, and each loved one only reminds him of something he must one day lose.  His friends may never know, because he fears that they would not understand, or that in telling them, he will pass his sorrow on to them.  And though he does indeed have moments of happiness, of peace, night inevitably falls, and with it brings the memory of the dark.

Sometimes, God chooses a son or daughter to reveal the universe to; He pulls back a corner of the sky while the man looks on, and suddenly the sheer size of eternity smites him, and this partial wisdom burns him, and his life is never the same.  This knowledge, this revelation that everything is so enormous and uncontainable, hurts his head, worries his soul, keeps him awake, terrifies him.

Sometimes, God decides to change one man’s perspective for life, but always as a result of that man’s quiet prayer, uttered in a time of confusion or despair, and thereafter destined to be his anthem: “Thy will be done”.

For sometimes, God reaches down and, as the man looks up at the stars, he sees God blazing through them instead.  And with his tears quietly falling, heart pounding, and hands shaking, the man looks back and when God asks: “Are you ready?”, he takes a deep breath and whispers “Yes”.

He may never feel God so close again, and may be left solitary as a desert opens before him, for sometimes God feels that- in order to become stronger- one of His children must first become weak, desperate, alone, and totally reliant upon His providence.  And though life ceases to hold any consolation for him, the man charges on through that desert, his only hope being the promise of an eternally blissful life on the other side.

Thus is the pain of wisdom, misery of silence, the ache of knowing.  And sometimes, it is this affliction that saves the world that does not see, and that turns ordinary sinners into extraordinary saints.


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